How Expectations Can Bring Disappointment

Would it surprise you to know that my favorite moments from our lovely, cool mountain retreat involved watching Cat trucks move dirt? Sounds crazy, huh? It might make more sense if I told you our eighteen-month-old grandson sat on my lap and intently watched three big yellow trucks do their work. The large truck dumped a load of dirt, then a smaller one scooped it up and brought it to the construction site. Henry sat with rapt attention as he waited for the loader truck to come back around the corner.

Do you know how rare it is for a toddler to sit still? It was an honor that he chose my lap. As I sat contentedly in the rustic wooden rocker and stared at the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains, I thought about expectations. I relaxed in that chair with Henry because I had one desire for our family time away—to be together and deepen relationships. Henry and I enjoyed a closer bond because of our truck- (“tuck!”) watching. While the grinding noise of trucks could’ve been an annoying interruption to our peacefulness, it was a highlight for little Henry and me.

It would’ve been easy to have great expectations, such as hiking our favorite trails and having family devotions, but I knew all my ideas weren’t realistic. It turned out that our family vacation was wonderful in every way.

Expectations impact our family relationships and our camaraderie with believers, neighbors, and friends. It occurred to me that angling for our own way is a kind of lust; an intense longing for what we desire. If our expectations involve others, we may come across as selfish and demanding.

A memory from many earlier ago came to mind. We planned to host a large group of single ladies for a Valentine’s Dinner. I knew how it felt to be divorced and alone, and I wanted to extend compassion and encouragement to others like me. The party would be in our home and would require lots of hands, so I assembled a group of women to implement my vision. It was a success; the guests felt generously loved and encouraged.

 However, there was something I later regretted: my perfectionism and selfishness. Because I had a specific vision, I nixed a dessert recipe one woman wanted to make. Of course, I tried to do it nicely, and it may not sound like a big deal, but in my heart, I wanted to control the details. Since it was at my house, they kindly gave in to me. It may not sound significant enough to mention, but I still recall it with regret after all these years. Now I know, my ideas need to be submitted to the group, then let go. Unity and love are more important than my expectations.

How can we learn to set goals but hold them loosely, not carving our expectations into stone? Goals and plans are, of course, essential if anything is to be accomplished. What if I’d set goals according to how I sense God has called me, then surrender my expectations to Him? What if we focus on continual obedience—walking in His Spirit—and find joy in the moment rather than waiting for a specific outcome? I wonder how we can create a framework for great things to happen without setting ourselves up for disappointment?  

Don’t let selfishness and prideful agendas take over. Embrace true humility, and lift your heads to extend love to others. Get beyond yourselves and protecting your own interests; be sincere, and serve your neighbors’ interests first.

Philippians 2:3-4

Christ serves as our example. He poured himself out as a servant and was obedient to death.

For the whole law comes down to this one instruction: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Galatians 5:14

Our families are our closest neighbors.

The balance between goal-setting and having expectations is tricky. My husband and I want to be better goal-setters for our travel and hospitality. As the years whir past, I have a deeper desire to set aside the things I hope for and expect in exchange for God’s sovereign plan. Maybe it’s a matter of holding desires loosely.  

Oswald Chambers said, The reality of God’s presence is not dependent on any place but only dependent upon the determination to set the Lord always before us.

Setting the Lord always before me is my highest goal.

For the whole law comes down to this one instruction, Love your neighbor as yourself.

Galatians 5:14