The Making of a Friend

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C. S. Lewis

As an introvert, I have a tendency to go it alone.  Looking back I realize I trudged through lots of very hard situations  by myself. There were times I would have benefitted from just hearing a voice on the other end of the phone. I didn’t want to bother people. I figured everyone was busy with their own problems. I was wrong to think no one had time for me. Now, when I have an opportunity, I implore my younger friends to not do what I did. “Reach out to someone; ask for help”, I say.

Sometimes friendships begin in the simplest of ways. I introduced myself to Courtney as we volunteered on a community project our church sponsored. She and her husband had just moved to town and I invited them to a small group that met in our home. A long-lasting friendship was born.

Years have passed, and today I thank this same sweet friend for bringing me out of myself and encouraging me. For filling up that tank that all humans have. The tank that only caring, listening, loving people can fill. She listened, she affirmed, she asked questions. We understood each other. We shared personal experiences that have taught us a lot about life; particularly about ourselves. We laughed at our own stories—how we used to think we were always right and how it seemed like a huge eye-opener when we realized it wasn’t so. How funny.

For a couple of hours every few weeks we chat on the phone, from different states, at heart-level about the deep stuff going on. How we want to please God in everything, how it’s hard to love, how we need each other.

What struck me after our conversation today is this. We are in a mentoring relationship that she initiated. She is young enough to be my daughter. I’m the one who said yes to the request— to sacrifice my time to be an older wiser guide. How ironic. How funny the upside-down-ness of it all. I have a spring in my step today after our time together. I can only hope she was encouraged as well. As humans we want to be heard and affirmed. Sometimes our needs are met by giving ourselves away. Giving our time for someone else– laying our lives down. I’m really glad I decided to step out of my shell at that work project!

Emerson said, The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Or as the book of Proverbs puts it, To have a friend you must show yourself friendly.

When we say yes to help someone else, guess who often gains the most?