Why Hospitality is a Good Idea

Why Hospitality is a Good Idea

img_7521When I was a single mom, a long time ago, my two children and I shared a home with my friend Nancy and her twins.

Next door to us lived an elderly man and his wife. The husband was so friendly, always with a huge smile. We invited them over a time or two, just to be hospitable. I remember that he would say over and over again, “My wife and I want to have you over for a visit some time, but we have to get the house cleaned up first.” We’d say, “okay”, but somehow I knew it would never happen. His outward appearance and even the exterior of their home seemed bent on perfection. I could tell that his home would never measure up to the standards he sought for guests. It saddens me when I recall my former neighbors and the folks who’d have gained much from knowing them.

It also saddens me when clients tell me they hide when they hear a neighbor knock at the door. They’re afraid they’ll be evaluated and come up short. I believe, on the other hand, that people are more comfortable in imperfect homes.

Clients have told me that they avoid “sterile” homes of relatives because they can’t relax. They’d constantly be afraid to track in or spill something. It’s a lie that neighbors have “perfectly together” homes. Unless the home is more like a museum and no real living goes on.

I’ll never forget the times I ran to my best friends’ homes, in the most difficult seasons of my life. More than once I dragged my two kids along and invaded Barbara’s family meals and celebrations when I needed the comfort of family. They welcomed us into the fold as if we were kin. My favorite memories happened in homes. We had real conversations and relationships went to deeper levels. I always felt encouraged.

Here are some tips for welcoming folks in~

If someone shows up at the door without notice:

  • Kick the clutter out of the pathway and welcome them with a smile and a glass of water.

If you have a little notice before someone arrives:

  • Have your front door/porch area neat and inviting.
  • Keep your home tidy and clean enough. No toys as tripping hazards, or piles of dirty underwear in the entrance. You can stuff clothes in the laundry or closet if you need to temporarily.
  • Place dirty dishes in dishwasher or the sink so the counters are clear.
  • Cut some greenery or flowers from your yard and stick in a jar or vase on the table, or  pick up flowers from Trader Joe’s.
  • Light a candle near the entrance.
  • Turn on lamps— use lighting for warmth.
  • Have fresh fruit in a bowl and maybe popcorn or snacks.
  • Offer something seasonal such as pumpkin spice tea. If you’re really inspired, bake something with a wonderful aroma!
  • Quickly swish the toilet and wipe counters and surfaces.
  • With a big smile, greet your people at the door.
  • Do not apologize about your house and point out all the negatives,
  • Focus on them! Let them know you’re happy to see them and you care about them.
  • If the air is chilly, offer a throw.
  • Just enjoy your time together. Do you realize how valuable a listening ear is? I am forever grateful and changed by the friends who have listened.

“Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!” Hebrews 13:2

“The ornaments of my home are the friends who frequent it.”  Emerson

How to Stage your Home When You’re Staying Put

How to Stage your Home When You’re Staying Put

IMG_8087I love helping folks stage their homes when they are selling. Staging makes an enormous difference.

I also enjoy helping clients stage to stay.  If you are living in your home— as opposed to marketing to prospective buyers— your home should tell your story.

I have been privileged to be invited into many homes since I launched my organizing/staging business thirteen years ago. I’m honored and humbled that clients would invite me into the most private —and sometimes most embarrassing— part of their lives.

 

 

Observations I’ve made when visiting homes:

  • If a house is hidden behind overgrown shrubs and trees it says, “Go away”.
  • A dirty or cluttered entrance is not welcoming.
  • Most people don’t know the best way to arrange furniture.
  • They do not have a specified purpose for each area.
  • Pictures are hung too high or incorrectly.
  • Traditional design principles are not embraced.
  • Clients are stuck with old furnishings that currently don’t work.
  • They have been talked into purchasing furniture that does not meet their needs.
  • They make an erroneous assumption that a container of some sort will make them organized.
  • They plan a costly and expansive construction project thinking  their problems will be solved.

Tips for making your home truly yours:

  • Create areas for conversation so that you can look another person in the eye when you’re chatting. Don’t line the walls with furniture.
  • Every little spot does not need to be filled. Empty space is restful for the eyes.
  • Decide what is the main purpose for each area or room. Do you play games, visit with friends, read or watch television? What furnishings are needed?
  • Think creatively when choosing pieces of furniture. Repurpose second-hand items to suit your current needs.
  • Don’t get bamboozled by impressive ads of expensive pieces that look like they’ll solve all your problems. Make shopping decisions based on your own unique needs.
  • Choose lamps that are adequate in size. I’m surprised at how few lamps I see in homes and how small they are.  I often ask, “Where do you read?” Lamps are important for warmth and ambience in addition to reading.
  • If you have a rug in your main living area, make sure it is large enough to incorporate furniture into a warm cohesive unit.
  • Locate the focal point in your room–usually the largest decorative feature— if possible set your sofa parallel to it.
  • Make sure your accessories and decorative pieces are things you love and use. Have just enough old things to weave the stories of generations together. Don’t obliterate your current life with all the old stuff.
  • Be open-minded. Furniture items eventually become a part of the wall and you may not realize that your crowding can be alleviated by simply moving out one item.
  • Before embarking on a huge reconstruction project bring in the experts! You may be able to solve  your problems by rearranging and repurposing.
  • Lastly, don’t design your home around what you think other people will like. Create an environment for you and your loved ones! When you are comfortable in your home the feeling is contagious and others will want to share it with you!

Having a beautiful home isn’t an end in itself—its purpose is to provide joy and peace in the place you live.

“The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelou

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Should Get to Know Your Neighbors

Why You Should Get to Know Your Neighbors

After residing in the same place for nearly thirty years our neighborhood feels like a big family under one roof. Carolyn’s in the office, Susan and Kathleen are in the dining room and I’m in the kitchen. The others are scattered aro52043549-senior-woman-meeting-smiling-young-family-flowers-at-the-doorund the house and sometimes we pass in the hallway. We know we’re there for each other and we’ll call if we need anything.

Pat mows for us regularly now. It’s a huge blessing because we have a large lawn.

When a pipe burst and we had no water, Shari came over and helped me carry dishes to her house to wash. We showered there for days.

Ruth used to walk through my back door to borrow something or to bring me a yummy treat. I loved that she always wanted me to see her new paint or wallpaper. It was fun to get excited about our projects. Once I was in angst about a paint color for the living room. I’ll always remember what she told me. “Don’t worry about it— it’s not a marriage!” That phrase has helped me many times when I worry over a decision.

There is one thing I learned early on about making friends with neighbors.  Asking a favor, even to borrow some sugar, can initiate a relationship.  One neighbor is now a close friend. In the early years I was struck that she always had it together.  I wanted to be friends but I didn’t know if she’d ever need me or if I could add value to her life. One day I was in the middle of a baking concoction. I desperately needed an ingredient so I knocked on her door. She gladly gave me what I needed. Looking back, I really think our friendship started then. I’ve always been glad when a neighbor needs a cup of flour or a can of tomatoes. It brings us together in a unique way,

I remember when Leigh lived across the street. I’d sent some soup over to her. She brought the bowl back full of camellias. She said her mother taught her never to send a container back empty. I liked that.

Years ago, another neighbor, Bill, lost his wife and was all alone. John was a baby so I would knock on Bill’s door and ask him to take a walk as I strolled John. He talked about our walks until the day he died. It taught me that little acts can make a big difference. Even now as I’m remembering him, I’m reminded to break out of my little world, and show interest in a neighbor.

Cookies are always a good excuse to knock on a neighbor’s door. One family brought us a bouquet of flowers to thank us for the cookies I delivered. Our daughters became good friends.

46395966-diverse-neighbors-drinking-party-yard-conceptPeople don’t tend to move from our neighborhood until they die. We sit with them as they’re passing away, when appropriate. We attend their funerals and bring food.  We go back home and try to adjust to life without that special one. We remember the times we were with them at the Christmas party or the times a knock came at the door and there was Barbe delivering Maxine’s amazing homemade dumplings. I’ll never forget all the sweet people we have known and lost. I can see them right now in my mind’s eye.

I’ve been lamenting a potential move from our home– but the real loss would be the people we’ve grown to love.

Do you know your neighbors? If not, I urge you to take a step and reach out in some small way. You will be the one who benefits most.

“If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in.”

Frederick Buechner

The priceless value of Home

The priceless value of Home

5621046815_cdec2d46cf_mMy morning walk took me past former homes of  close friends. I was feeling lots of emotions as I passed those houses. I pondered, as I walked, why I was feeling so sentimental. Relationships, that was the answer. In those homes I established deep friendships with people. Now, to be honest, I know many people who have lived in this community- it’s one of my favorite areas. But those feelings didn’t register inside as I passed the other houses. I’d been in some of them at various times, but there were no memories of growing friendships, of talking and laughing, even growing together.

Walking past Harriet’s, I recall the warmth and how welcomed I felt. I remember her first color scheme. It was beautiful, we all thought at the time. Then the time came for the red and yellow to be replaced with softer, more neutral tones. I remember where all the decorative pieces were placed and how she had such a knack for decorating simply and beautifully. I remember the laughter, the Monk watching and so much more. It was always a treat to be there.

Next door were the Kelly’s. They were always hospitable and welcomed our small group with open arms. I was always amazed how Barbara found time to prepare multiple dishes of food for all of us. Also, all the right beverage choices. She made me want to improve my hosting game. We laughed, prayed and shared together in that home. Always listening for their golden retriever and hoping he wouldn’t bust out of his secure place and bust up our gathering. I also remember their antique table with a marble top just like one that we have.

Emily’s was the fun house. Mostly because Emily lived there. Of course, Dave’s giant wooden play set in the backyard was not to be missed. It was an engineering marvel. And a child’s delight. What a joyful family, and their joy spilled over into their happy decorating schemes. I loved being there with them. I always lingered longer than intended because Emily and I could never stop talking.

The priceless value of home! That’s why I launched Tranquiliving in 2003. I’m passionate about helping people optimize their homes. Not to make them perfect—not to prepare for a photo shoot. We are building a happy healthy foundation on which life grows! It’s where life happens and relationships thrive.

What does home mean to you? Do you enjoy having friends over? Or is it difficult to let people in? If you typically meet in restaurants or coffee shops, why not make your home the place for your next get-together with a friend? It doesn’t have to be perfect! People just want to be with you!